Friday, August 29, 2003 Whoever wrote this article is as 'hapless' as the women drivers she is talking about. Someone who is 'nervy' behind the wheel IS a bad driver, you stupid fuck. Goddammit when is this holiday weekend gonna start.
Booze Cruise was good, not great. Not enough David Cross and Jon Benjamin, not enough Les Savy Fav, too many comedians with some sort of shtick. For example, a Greg Allman looking guy with an accordian but apparently no formal polka training. Or the Venezuelan guy who's entire act was based on his foreign accent and the funny faces he made after each punchline was delivered. There's no need for such things. I did, however, get my crotch massaged by a 35 year old, naked, fat, gay man's ass. More specifically, the lead singer of Les Savy Fav. As I saw him approach me, clothed only in a pair of metallic gray skivies, my initial reaction was 'this is gonna be great!'. That feeling was immediately followed by fear, then a little sea sickness from the rocking of the boat, then a more intense sickness as I realized it wasn't the boat that was rocking. Hello!
Later that night we had a chance to catch up with the ladies from Minnesota. It was great to hear all the new developments with their jobs, some fun stories from when they were in college, and a couple interesting facts from their hometowns. No wait...that was Frank who was talking about all those things. Although there was that one story about urinating in a laundry basket that was definitely a Minnesota original.
Radiohead show was like winning lotto, getting hummer, eating banana split, and getting kicked in the back all at the same time. Let me es-plain: the show was fantastic, but the Tweeter center in Camden NJ has a severe design flaw in its engineering schematics. This flaw is not evident during your standard Doobie Brothers Reunion or Indigo Girls afternoon concert. It is however painfully obvious to four saps (Matt, Jim, Gabe, Frank) at Radiohead concert sitting in the last row of the seating area, directly infront of all of the suckwads who were unfortunate enough to have landed lawn seats, but annoying enough to try and crash the closer, more civilized seating area for the entire night cause they thought it was their god given right to annoy the shit out of the four saps. The reason it is obvious is that every time said suckwads tried to negotiate the five foot concrete wall that divided the lawn from the seats they would have to step over the rear-most seat where said four saps were patiently and abidingly sitting. Saps would then inevitably get some sweaty, post-teen, “life is still a party and I’m gonna enjoy it” dickweed’s random body part in their back. This continued on until the four saps started getting angry at said suckwads to the point of verbally abusing, turning state’s evidence on them to venue security, and finally (go Matty for having handy 9,000 watt flashlight), making their presence so annoying that they gave themselves up. And then it pretty much continued on regardless after that even into the second encore. Damn their eyes!
Besides that, best damn Radiohead show I have ever seen – hands down. Even topped Liberty State Park in 2001, which was pretty damn dope. We had a bigger group then, better venue, and better listening spot, but all in all the performance and song selection at this show was unbelievable - not to mention being the most beautiful night weather-wise in months. Some of my favorites: My Iron Lung, There There, Paranoid Android, Lucky, I could seriously just rattle off the remaining set cause there wasn’t one dud in the whole show. And the fantastic stage design should be mentioned as well. Whomever thought of those light poles spaced a foot apart behind the whole stage in addition to the standard lighting along with the video screens bookending the stage was one smart and creative some-bitch. Thanks so much you weird looking, English, sadness inducing, talented, bunch of dudes!
After going out to see Freddy vs. Jason- the Citizen Kane of slasher films - I have decided that its my calling to purchase a large machete and start killing people. I found this one and its quite cheap. But, first I have to become "undead" so I have to get hit by lightening or have a witch-doctor sprinkle powder or some shit like that on me.
Friday, August 15, 2003 Although I usually find that setting goals is the first step towards failure, this summer I actually did have one goal I was hoping to accomplish...not breaking a sweat in my own apartment. I had carefully designed a plan, through a complex coordination of air conditioning and carefully placed fans, combined with a lack of physical activity, which SEEMED foolproof. Until last night. Lousy wankers.
"Who the fuck is this schmuck wearing the dumbest suit I ever saw?"
Oscar-Fucking-Schindler himself. Well, not himself, but I'll do you one better.
I just walked across the street next to Liam Neeson who is apparently filming in our building here on the Upper East Side. I have always wanted to say something completely ridiculous to celebrities and all I could do is give him the thumbs up - the gayest of the hand gestures. I suck. Apparently, there is a celebrity female here today too.
Friday, August 08, 2003 Okay, okay...the idea of Flash Mob's is apparently becoming the new big internet thing. (Thank you New Topography, who no longer sends me emails). Briefly, a flash mob is a bunch of random people, organized by some sort of electronic media, that join together to do something zany in a public place and then quickly disperse. Don't think for a second that the house is going to be left behind. I think it is our duty to take part in this phenomena by organizing a few flash mobs of our own. Here's what I've thought of so far:
A mob of attractive women (ages 18-29) organize outside my apartment in Ramsey, New Jersey, and simultaneously take their tops off for five minutes. No wait, better give me ten.
Same as the first one, only pants this time.
Actually, that's all I could come up with. But perhaps we can dust off the comments section for some ideas?
Tinkle was excellent. Don't be fooled by the picture above, we didn't actually get into the show. Instead, after the show sold out, the rejects (me and my sister) at the end of the line were told to go upstairs to the bar to watch the show on a projection screen. What they didn't tell us was that the air conditioning was broke, and the temperature and humidity upstairs had reached an equilibrium point with the temperature and humidity of my ass. They also didn't mention that the projector would overheat every ten minutes due to the lack of air conditioning, and then immediately shut itself off. Oddly enough, since the audio was still on, everyone in the bar just sat their drinking their beers and staring at a blank screen until someone came by to fix it.
But fuck all that, we met Dave Attell.
... who was the last act of the night and probably explains why the show sold out so quick. Plus the rest of the show was outstanding, and I finally got my tix for the booze cruise.
On an unrelated topic, yes, I have the pics from my sister's 21st birthday party, and they will be posted to the site soon. Nothing like the promise of pictures of 21 year old women to keep a healthy readership.