Embassy row
the fumes they lay low
On lanes that are wide
where the limousines glide
On the wrought-iron gates
and the bone china plates
And don’t forget your manners
where the anthems play
Well, once again, I will not be going as an Ivory Dealer for Halloween this year. Frank says that an Ivory Dealer costume is 'a dumb idea and no one will get it'. He also poo-pooed my sexy pirate idea... even after I offered to 'shiver his timbers' if he let me wear the costume.
So I'm going as a guy on safari, which is not very funny at all. But other than the pith helmet (pictured above) it doesn't require me to purchase anything. Of course, the pith helmet alone was $25, plus overnight shipping because I waited until the last minute. But then I'll have my very own pith helmet! I do tend to sweat a lot in the summer so it could be useful.
Then again, there is the possibility that the pith helmet won't fit my head, which has the shape of a honey dew melon after it's been hit with a mallet a couple times. As usual though, I am prepared. In the case that the helmet doesn't fit, I am going to go as 'Wulk', or 'Wussy-Hulk'. Basically, I will go as myself after finding out that after spending $40 on a pith helmet, it doesn't fit. As a result, I will be a bit peeved, so my skin will turn green but I won't actually get any bigger or more muscular. My clothes will fit just fine except for maybe a button on my cuff that comes a bit loose.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 "This is a little off the subject...but...I was, uh, in the park, trying to get a pick up game. I saw some guys, I thought they were playing RPS, but they were playing odds evens."
Wednesday, October 15, 2003 I've been asked to tell the story about how, according to the security guard at the front gate of our apartment complex, my apartment either no longer exists or, at the very least, is uninhabited. No, I won't tell that story.
I will give everyone an update on my firewood situation however. To sum up my previous posts on the subject:
Got lots of firewood delivered to my apartment.
Bitter old neighbor complained and called fire marshall to investigate whether it was a fire hazard to keep so much wood in my garage.
Dreamed of ways in which I could harass my neighbor once the fire marshall gives me the thumbs up that firewood, by itself, is not actually a fire hazard.
Two weeks later, still no sign of the fire marshall. My guess is that upon actually hearing the details of my neighbor's complaint, the fire marshall decided to simply burn down my neighbor's apartment as payback for wasting his valuable, fire-fighting time.
So I've won. Or have I? Remember last year's First Annual Ramsey New Jersey Christmas Spectactular? Remember how some guy left a pile of pumpkin inards, cigarette butts and shards of glass on our doorstep after party goers had neatly placed them on the sidewalk in front of our apartment? I guess 'neat' is a relative term. Well anyway, it turns out that is the same prick who complained about the firewood! Ain't that a bitch! In fact, he left two more cigarette butts on my doorstep last night. That's right, two. He found two cigarette butts on the sidewalk in front of our apartment, picked them up (with his old, wrinkly, ass cheeks probably) and dropped them on our welcome mat. What a dick.
So now I'm officially enraged. Selling firewood out of my garage is not enough, this is war.
And since we're on the subject, the Second Annual Ramsey New Jersey Christmas Spectactular will be held Saturday, December 20th of this year. Please remember to bring plenty of cigarettes. Previously smoked cigarettes will do just fine.
