House of Thrill

2004-01-07T09:49:00.000-05:00

Kill the Blog

2003-12-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

2003-12-11T11:56:00.000-05:00

"As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep."

- Family Guy

Pictures from the Second Annual Ramsey New Jersey Christmas Spectactular will be posted promptly after the party on December 20th. That will be the last post on the house.

2003-12-09T13:20:00.000-05:00

Damn man, the House needs a new posting. Someone get off their ass and write something. Perhaps you can start with this for a little Christmas cheer.

snowman.bmp

2003-11-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

Try #2 on returning to the House.

Yet another reason not to weightlift.

2003-11-18T10:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I know what I'm getting my brother Gabe for Christmas this year. Stinkblasters.

2003-11-13T15:53:00.000-05:00

YES!!!! I have found the answer to my dating problems. Hey Match.com - your mama is home and she's pissed.

2003-11-11T16:31:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton Sex Video

Thank you, Stereogum. Seriously, thank you.

2003-11-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Church Sign Generator.

2003-10-31T14:58:00.000-05:00

Kids Show

2003-10-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

Well as many of you may know, I have had a tough break-up in the not so recent past that has been quite difficult for me to deal with emotionally. Well you can all rest assured that the road to the old me that you all once knew and moderately loved, will be traversed swiftly with a little help from my new friend. I encourage anyone who has an issue weighing on them to feel free to delve into this veritable encyclopedia of feelings for help through the darkest days of your miserable lives.

2003-10-29T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well, once again, I will not be going as an Ivory Dealer for Halloween this year. Frank says that an Ivory Dealer costume is 'a dumb idea and no one will get it'. He also poo-pooed my sexy pirate idea... even after I offered to 'shiver his timbers' if he let me wear the costume.

So I'm going as a guy on safari, which is not very funny at all. But other than the pith helmet (pictured above) it doesn't require me to purchase anything. Of course, the pith helmet alone was $25, plus overnight shipping because I waited until the last minute. But then I'll have my very own pith helmet! I do tend to sweat a lot in the summer so it could be useful.

Then again, there is the possibility that the pith helmet won't fit my head, which has the shape of a honey dew melon after it's been hit with a mallet a couple times. As usual though, I am prepared. In the case that the helmet doesn't fit, I am going to go as 'Wulk', or 'Wussy-Hulk'. Basically, I will go as myself after finding out that after spending $40 on a pith helmet, it doesn't fit. As a result, I will be a bit peeved, so my skin will turn green but I won't actually get any bigger or more muscular. My clothes will fit just fine except for maybe a button on my cuff that comes a bit loose.

2003-10-28T15:55:00.000-05:00

Jack Black Soundboard.

2003-10-27T14:18:00.000-05:00

Halloween costume idea #2: Sexy Pirate.

2003-10-27T07:53:00.000-05:00

Eh, who cares, at least we beat the Red Sox.

2003-10-24T15:46:00.000-04:00

"Perhaps most importantly, keep in mind that eating just a single kernel of candy corn manufactured by a company other than Brach's Confections will give you a deadly case of full-blown AIDS."

2003-10-24T13:35:00.000-04:00

Jesus O'Lantern

Do I make fun of Jesus related items too much, or not enough?

2003-10-21T13:06:00.000-04:00

"This is a little off the subject...but...I was, uh, in the park, trying to get a pick up game. I saw some guys, I thought they were playing RPS, but they were playing odds evens."

2003-10-20T13:55:00.000-04:00

Halloween costume idea #1: Three Times One Minus One.

2003-10-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

Ahem.

FUCK
YEAH!

2003-10-15T13:59:00.000-04:00

I've been asked to tell the story about how, according to the security guard at the front gate of our apartment complex, my apartment either no longer exists or, at the very least, is uninhabited. No, I won't tell that story.

I will give everyone an update on my firewood situation however. To sum up my previous posts on the subject:

Got lots of firewood delivered to my apartment.
Bitter old neighbor complained and called fire marshall to investigate whether it was a fire hazard to keep so much wood in my garage.
Dreamed of ways in which I could harass my neighbor once the fire marshall gives me the thumbs up that firewood, by itself, is not actually a fire hazard.

Two weeks later, still no sign of the fire marshall. My guess is that upon actually hearing the details of my neighbor's complaint, the fire marshall decided to simply burn down my neighbor's apartment as payback for wasting his valuable, fire-fighting time.

So I've won. Or have I? Remember last year's First Annual Ramsey New Jersey Christmas Spectactular? Remember how some guy left a pile of pumpkin inards, cigarette butts and shards of glass on our doorstep after party goers had neatly placed them on the sidewalk in front of our apartment? I guess 'neat' is a relative term. Well anyway, it turns out that is the same prick who complained about the firewood! Ain't that a bitch! In fact, he left two more cigarette butts on my doorstep last night. That's right, two. He found two cigarette butts on the sidewalk in front of our apartment, picked them up (with his old, wrinkly, ass cheeks probably) and dropped them on our welcome mat. What a dick.

So now I'm officially enraged. Selling firewood out of my garage is not enough, this is war.

And since we're on the subject, the Second Annual Ramsey New Jersey Christmas Spectactular will be held Saturday, December 20th of this year. Please remember to bring plenty of cigarettes. Previously smoked cigarettes will do just fine.

2003-10-10T11:44:00.000-04:00

The Thing with Two Heads

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

2003-10-10T10:56:00.000-04:00

Crispy New Freestyle

2003-10-10T08:24:00.000-04:00

2003-10-08T15:06:00.000-04:00

"Blogging is many things, yet the typical blog is written by a teenage girl who uses it twice a month to update her friends and classmates on happenings in her life."

2003-09-26T13:11:00.000-04:00

So the New Topography's suggestions were good...but not great. Nude bowling, taping the carpet...these ideas are certainly both creative and time consuming, but they don't really provide the sense of satisfaction I'm going to require from my new hobby.

Then it hit me...what if the fire marshall finally shows up to my apartment, and says there's nothing wrong with the firewood in my garage? It's like a free pass to start taunting the ever loving shit out of my neighbor! I'm gonna buy so much fucking firewood it's gonna make me puke! I'll have firewood in my car, on my deck, piled up in my windows, it'll be great! I'll start building little bird feeders out of firewood and hang them outside my apartment. Like thirty of them.

In fact, maybe I'll start a firewood delivery service right out of my own fucking garage! I'll make sure every garage in our complex has a full two year supply of firewood. The extra dry kind too, the kind that burns up like a goddamn Christmas tree! I'm going to eat, sleep and drink firewood. Well, not literally.

Yep, I think I'm gonna have plenty to do with my spare time this autumn season.

2003-09-26T08:06:00.000-04:00

The New Topography has given the house some much needed advice.

2003-09-25T08:09:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet the fire marshall last night. Turns out he was too busy attending to an actual fire in my town. Probably started when someone put too much firewood in their garage. That's a fire hazard dipshit!

And I won't be seeing him tonight either because I'll be busy rocking with Built to Spill. Fuck yeah!

2003-09-24T09:52:00.000-04:00

But seriously, I've got things to talk about, so let's get it on.

Last night I had a cord of firewood delivered to my apartment. That's right, I have a fireplace, want to fight about it? For those of you unfamiliar with the measurement system for firewood, a cord of wood is just enough to fit snuggly in our one car garage next to a years worth of empty beer bottles, leaving about enough space for six chicken McNuggets.

Now firewood doesn't stack itself, no matter how long you stand there and stare at it, so at around 5pm I began carrying the firewood from the wet pile in the driveway into my garage. This is not an easy job, especially with random old people coming by and cracking jokes like 'Expecting a long winter eh?'. At around 7pm, after a couple of much needed breaks to allow my lower back to regain it's original shape, another bitter old man came by with another bitter old comment.

'Looks like a fire hazard to me.', he says.

'Oh yeah, how's that?', I replied.

'Well what if there was a spark and all that wood went up in flames?', the old kook responds.

'Well wouldn't that be an issue no matter what I have in my garage? Like boxes perhaps? Don't you have boxes in your garage?'

After a long pause, as Oldy McOld composes himself for his forethcoming lie, 'No, I don't. I'm going to call the Fire Marshall and have him check this out.'

'Good, you do that.', I answer, while walking away so I don't give in to the temptation to stick his cane into his fucking forehead.

So today I get to meet the Fire Marshall. Woohoo.

2003-09-24T08:55:00.000-04:00

This weblog has been neglected long enough! Eh, actually, maybe I'll neglect it a little bit longer.

2003-09-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

Storm's a'brewin.

2003-09-17T10:51:00.000-04:00

Now I can't wait until I'm 34.

2003-09-12T10:59:00.000-04:00

Finally, realistic instructions for the married life. This is a really helpful guideline for us unmarried heathens as well as a good refresher course for our blessed couples.

2003-09-08T16:16:00.000-04:00

This link is for Bernard. (thank you Paul)

2003-09-02T16:31:00.000-04:00

In an effort to 'cool' up the site, as requested by a fellow blogger in last week's comment section, here's a link to the local Fox affiliate's Simpson's Viewer Choice website. Do you get the irony/sarcasm/onomatopoeia? Here's my top ten, in no particular order:

Deep Space Homer
Marge vs. The Monorail
Last Exit to Springfield
Cape Feare
Homer the Vigilante
Lisa's Rival
Treehouse of Horror V
Homie the Clown
King-Size Homer
Summer of 4 Ft. 2

Discuss.

2003-08-29T13:51:00.000-04:00

Whoever wrote this article is as 'hapless' as the women drivers she is talking about. Someone who is 'nervy' behind the wheel IS a bad driver, you stupid fuck. Goddammit when is this holiday weekend gonna start.

2003-08-29T11:11:00.000-04:00

Yes, I saw the Madonna/Britney Spears kiss last night on the MTV Video awards, and I was appalled. (Appalled means 'raging boner' right?)

2003-08-28T13:03:00.000-04:00

Dude, if I lived in California, I'd vote for this guy. (Link via Joseph, who has no website because he is too cool for school. Except for Princeton.)

2003-08-27T14:14:00.000-04:00

Sara Silverman is hot.

2003-08-26T07:47:00.000-04:00

The S.S. Tinkle

The Crew

Oh shit, here he comes

Hmmm....this is not so bad

Booze Cruise was good, not great. Not enough David Cross and Jon Benjamin, not enough Les Savy Fav, too many comedians with some sort of shtick. For example, a Greg Allman looking guy with an accordian but apparently no formal polka training. Or the Venezuelan guy who's entire act was based on his foreign accent and the funny faces he made after each punchline was delivered. There's no need for such things. I did, however, get my crotch massaged by a 35 year old, naked, fat, gay man's ass. More specifically, the lead singer of Les Savy Fav. As I saw him approach me, clothed only in a pair of metallic gray skivies, my initial reaction was 'this is gonna be great!'. That feeling was immediately followed by fear, then a little sea sickness from the rocking of the boat, then a more intense sickness as I realized it wasn't the boat that was rocking. Hello!

Later that night we had a chance to catch up with the ladies from Minnesota. It was great to hear all the new developments with their jobs, some fun stories from when they were in college, and a couple interesting facts from their hometowns. No wait...that was Frank who was talking about all those things. Although there was that one story about urinating in a laundry basket that was definitely a Minnesota original.

2003-08-25T08:46:00.000-04:00

The Monday Monkey lives for the weekend.

2003-08-20T14:29:00.000-04:00

Why didn't I think of this? (via Whatevs.org)

2003-08-19T17:56:00.000-04:00

Here it is short and sweet:

Radiohead show was like winning lotto, getting hummer, eating banana split, and getting kicked in the back all at the same time. Let me es-plain: the show was fantastic, but the Tweeter center in Camden NJ has a severe design flaw in its engineering schematics. This flaw is not evident during your standard Doobie Brothers Reunion or Indigo Girls afternoon concert. It is however painfully obvious to four saps (Matt, Jim, Gabe, Frank) at Radiohead concert sitting in the last row of the seating area, directly infront of all of the suckwads who were unfortunate enough to have landed lawn seats, but annoying enough to try and crash the closer, more civilized seating area for the entire night cause they thought it was their god given right to annoy the shit out of the four saps. The reason it is obvious is that every time said suckwads tried to negotiate the five foot concrete wall that divided the lawn from the seats they would have to step over the rear-most seat where said four saps were patiently and abidingly sitting. Saps would then inevitably get some sweaty, post-teen, “life is still a party and I’m gonna enjoy it” dickweed’s random body part in their back. This continued on until the four saps started getting angry at said suckwads to the point of verbally abusing, turning state’s evidence on them to venue security, and finally (go Matty for having handy 9,000 watt flashlight), making their presence so annoying that they gave themselves up. And then it pretty much continued on regardless after that even into the second encore. Damn their eyes!

Besides that, best damn Radiohead show I have ever seen – hands down. Even topped Liberty State Park in 2001, which was pretty damn dope. We had a bigger group then, better venue, and better listening spot, but all in all the performance and song selection at this show was unbelievable - not to mention being the most beautiful night weather-wise in months. Some of my favorites: My Iron Lung, There There, Paranoid Android, Lucky, I could seriously just rattle off the remaining set cause there wasn’t one dud in the whole show. And the fantastic stage design should be mentioned as well. Whomever thought of those light poles spaced a foot apart behind the whole stage in addition to the standard lighting along with the video screens bookending the stage was one smart and creative some-bitch. Thanks so much you weird looking, English, sadness inducing, talented, bunch of dudes!

2003-08-19T13:34:00.000-04:00

Nine year olds, dude.

2003-08-19T09:57:00.000-04:00

The simplicity of this article's title is what makes it so funny. At least he fried it before he ate it.

2003-08-18T10:55:00.000-04:00

I Found My Calling

After going out to see Freddy vs. Jason- the Citizen Kane of slasher films - I have decided that its my calling to purchase a large machete and start killing people. I found this one and its quite cheap. But, first I have to become "undead" so I have to get hit by lightening or have a witch-doctor sprinkle powder or some shit like that on me.

2003-08-15T08:47:00.000-04:00

Although I usually find that setting goals is the first step towards failure, this summer I actually did have one goal I was hoping to accomplish...not breaking a sweat in my own apartment. I had carefully designed a plan, through a complex coordination of air conditioning and carefully placed fans, combined with a lack of physical activity, which SEEMED foolproof. Until last night. Lousy wankers.

2003-08-13T12:28:00.000-04:00

Vacation Spot #34

2003-08-13T10:09:00.000-04:00

Huh?

2003-08-12T11:05:00.000-04:00

Finally, I've found the solution to my issues with women, Complimentary Cereal Bowls!

With this sort of ego boost each morning, I'll have women eating out of my super-confident hands.

2003-08-11T14:52:00.000-04:00

Celebrity Encounter

Upon crossing the street after lunch...

"Who the fuck is this schmuck wearing the dumbest suit I ever saw?"

Oscar-Fucking-Schindler himself. Well, not himself, but I'll do you one better.

I just walked across the street next to Liam Neeson who is apparently filming in our building here on the Upper East Side. I have always wanted to say something completely ridiculous to celebrities and all I could do is give him the thumbs up - the gayest of the hand gestures. I suck. Apparently, there is a celebrity female here today too.

2003-08-11T12:53:00.000-04:00

Hipster Bingo

Although I can provide points for three spaces on the Bingo board, I find this terribly funny in a I'm-An-Indie-Kid-Who-Hates-All-Other-Indie-Kids sorta way. Print, save, and play.

By the way Matt, I only have a 35mm camera and no scanner, so if you want to post pictures of my Memphis adventure (sans the orgy ones) - feel free to do the work for it.

2003-08-08T13:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, okay...the idea of Flash Mob's is apparently becoming the new big internet thing. (Thank you New Topography, who no longer sends me emails). Briefly, a flash mob is a bunch of random people, organized by some sort of electronic media, that join together to do something zany in a public place and then quickly disperse. Don't think for a second that the house is going to be left behind. I think it is our duty to take part in this phenomena by organizing a few flash mobs of our own. Here's what I've thought of so far:

A mob of attractive women (ages 18-29) organize outside my apartment in Ramsey, New Jersey, and simultaneously take their tops off for five minutes. No wait, better give me ten.
Same as the first one, only pants this time.

Actually, that's all I could come up with. But perhaps we can dust off the comments section for some ideas?

2003-08-08T12:52:00.000-04:00

funny

2003-08-04T10:29:00.000-04:00

Tinkle was excellent. Don't be fooled by the picture above, we didn't actually get into the show. Instead, after the show sold out, the rejects (me and my sister) at the end of the line were told to go upstairs to the bar to watch the show on a projection screen. What they didn't tell us was that the air conditioning was broke, and the temperature and humidity upstairs had reached an equilibrium point with the temperature and humidity of my ass. They also didn't mention that the projector would overheat every ten minutes due to the lack of air conditioning, and then immediately shut itself off. Oddly enough, since the audio was still on, everyone in the bar just sat their drinking their beers and staring at a blank screen until someone came by to fix it.

But fuck all that, we met Dave Attell.

... who was the last act of the night and probably explains why the show sold out so quick. Plus the rest of the show was outstanding, and I finally got my tix for the booze cruise.

On an unrelated topic, yes, I have the pics from my sister's 21st birthday party, and they will be posted to the site soon. Nothing like the promise of pictures of 21 year old women to keep a healthy readership.

2003-07-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

Lebowski Fest (via Thugbot)

2003-07-31T10:50:00.000-04:00

This is even worse than that guy who got pregnant with the fetus of his dead brother. Much worse.

2003-07-30T11:28:00.000-04:00

A member of a focus group had this to say about the movie Gigli starring Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. (via The Onion)

2003-07-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

Until I get some stories and pictures from my sister's 21st birthday party, I don't really have much to post. Although you can be assured those stories and pictures will be worth the wait, even if I have to make up the stories and photoshop the pictures. Which is more than likely. Anyway, the last week or so can be summed up as follows: bees nest on my deck, she-male rudely forced me off my stool at a bar, and my body has re-adjusted to superior eastern time zone. Just imagine what I would have written for each of those post topics.

So how about I just discuss my day at work so far? It began with my usual hour or so of instant messaging. As was no surprise to either of us, my conversation with Jackie was mostly about different phrases for taking a shit. I offered up a couple of the standard phrases associated with this bodily function, "Dropping off the kids at the pool" and "Making a little chocolate soft serve". Jackie responded with a nice twist on the pool phrase, "Bill Cosby dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool". It's funny because it's racist.

I knew I was missing a number of good ones, so I did a little research. I was able to find a couple of excellent resources for this topic, The Canonical List of Terms for Taking a Crap and TurdWords.com. In an effort to class up the site, here are my favorites:

Conducting Air Strikes Over Porcelainastan
Fast Freight to Fudge City
Percolating Butt Coffee
Visit from Mr. Shittz McCrappen
Committing yourself to the dumpatorium
Making a Minnesota hand warmer (I don't get this one...do people in Minnesota hold shit in their hands?)

2003-07-21T21:03:00.000-04:00

Pacific Northwest 2k3: A Retrospective

The Travellers:

Matt

Most Memorable Moment: What better way to start off a trip than embarassing myself in front of women in a whole new time zone. It was literally the very first night of our trip, and I was fortunate enough to be talking to two ladies about the lovely city of Portland. At some point later in the night, one of the girls actually asked for my number. Now girls don't usually ask for my number at bars, so you could imagine why I might be a little suspicious. Sure she was 31, and her name was 'Asia', but she was moderately attractive (read: no missing limbs or gross scars/birth marks) and she had a vagina for godssake! So perhaps it was the inordinate amount of whiskey in my blood, or just the usual self esteem issues, but rather than taking this as a sign that poontang might be in my near future, I decided to ask this particular girl if she was 'screwing with me'. And even though she repeatedly assured me that was not the case, I felt the need to ask the same question a couple more times just to make sure. And then a few more times for good luck. Chicks dig confidence.

Yet she called me the next morning. I still think it was all part of some elaborate prank.

Frank

Most Memorable Moment: Frank's trip was apparently uneventful, because his most memorable moment was when a drug dealer in Vancouver called him a douche bag. Or did he just offer him a dime bag? We're still not sure.

Paul

Most Memorable Moment: Paul's most memorable moment was coincidentally Frank's and mine as well. Screw that shit I mentioned above. While attempting to cross the Canadian border, a customs agent informed Paul that there was a large amount of cocaine on his driver's license. Apparently, Paul had used his license to cut lines of coke a year or so ago, and had understandably forgotten to do a routine 'license wash' prior to the trip. Luckily, the two agents who searched the car were not able to find any drugs. Which is a tad concerning since we were carrying at least two different illegal narcotics.

By the way, the agent pulled me aside as well, but just to tell me that after checking my license he found 'Apple Jack crumbs and semen'. Apple Jack crumbs?!?!

2003-07-11T11:11:00.000-04:00

Bubb Rubb is one funny motherfucker.

So is the guy who created the Bubb
Rubb Soundboard.

Finally, there is a pretty decent chance I'm gonna come back from this trip dead. If so, who will keep the house alive?

2003-07-10T13:35:00.000-04:00

Here's a short clip of the aformentioned Will Ferrell Speech.

Or if you have a lot of time, watch the entire commencement (fast forward to the hour and a half mark for the Will Ferrell speech).

2003-07-10T09:10:00.000-04:00

Will Ferrell's Harvard Commencement Speech:

"I'm not one of you. Okay? I can't relate to who you are and what you've been through. I graduated from the University of Life. All right? I received a degree from the School of Hard Knocks. And our colors were black and blue, baby. I had office hours with the Dean of Bloody Noses. All right? I borrowed my class notes from Professor Knuckle Sandwich and his Teaching Assistant, Ms. Fat Lip Thon Nyun. That's the kind of school I went to for real, okay?"

And there's no point in talking about Harvard Commencement Speeches if I don't provide a link to the greatest one of all, thanks to Mr. Conan O'Brien:

"I'd like to thank the Class Marshals for inviting me here today. The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000, so you'll forgive me if I'm a bit suspicious. I'd like to announce up front that I have one goal this afternoon: to be half as funny as tomorrow's Commencement Speaker, Moral Philosopher and Economist, Amartya Sen. Must get more laughs than seminal wage/price theoretician."

2003-07-09T09:45:00.000-04:00

Starting this Friday, the house will be on hiatus for awhile as we journey to the beautiful Pacific Northwest ... or as I like to call it, 'Where the Goonies was filmed'.

"Yeah, but this one, this one right here, this was my wish, my dream, and it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back."

- Mouth

Now I know we will be sorely missed, but everyone can take comfort in the fact that, upon our return, I will immediately send out a mass email containing every minute detail of our trip. I mean, who doesn't love a mass email?!? There's just something special about an impersonal, longwinded, self-absorbed dissertation on one's life experiences, sent to everyone you know, most of whom don't give a fuck.

Topics for this email will include, but will not be limited to:

Number of women banged
Number of men banged
Number of hippies murdered
Number of miles travelled
Number of kids banged

Actually, screw the email, I'll just guesstimate the answers right now, respectively: zero, three, four (including one guy right after we banged him), no one cares, and it depends on what you consider a 'kid'.

2003-07-08T10:59:00.000-04:00

All of you House readers can suck it for not commenting on the "certain individual" pictured with a croquet mallet up his ass. I happen to know that he sacrificed life and limb, not to mention any pride he may have once possessed, to make that picture happen.

2003-07-06T17:47:00.000-04:00

It's a party Marge. These pics actually kinda remind me of the song "I Want to Part-ay" by the Crash Test Dummies. I love that song.

Notice that there's always one kid in every group that has to give the finger whenever his picture is taken. And the picture of the hamburger is significant because, in addition to it's deliciousness, I stole it right from the hostess after she painstakingly finished it exactly to her liking. In hindsight, I feel kinda bad about that. But if given the opportunity, I'd probably do it again.

2003-07-02T16:15:00.000-04:00

Booze Cruise with David Cross. Who's in?

2003-06-30T16:49:00.000-04:00

Well once again I have come across a conundrum in a recent conversation with a friend of mine (hint: he uses the alias “matt” on this website) that has left me in a somewhat confused state of discord. We were talking about how unpleasant a man’s genitals must taste to a lady – especially after a long day at the salt mines (please note we were drunk at the time, which is really just an excuse to dodge answering why we were talking about genitals in the first place). But we came to the conclusion that some sort of flavoring agent could be a welcome addition to the already sick and twisted cornucopia of sexual devices I employ in my standard sexual practices. Now there are at least a few thousand ideas for flavors that I could come up with and I am doubly sure that the readers of the House could add even more. But the real question that I am hung up on is this: How would one match said flavor with said mate or said situation without creating problems?

Example:

If I am using a meat flavoring on my genitals, say A-1 sauce or just simply a steak seasoning rub, would I have to ensure that my mate was enjoying a red wine for fear that white wouldn’t compliment the situation?

If my mate were from Mexican extraction and I used a Louisiana style Hot Sauce on my genitals rather than authentic Cholula Mexican Hot Sauce, would I be offending the nationalistic pride of said mate?

If I were to use a butter sauce flavoring would it be necessary to have a side of mashed potatoes available, or some other starchy dish to offset the overly rich nature of the butter sauce?

My point is that simply coming up with flavor ideas, while amusing, really only addresses part of the issue that this potentially revolutionary idea creates.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

2003-06-30T10:05:00.000-04:00

50 Cent Book Someone Must Purchase

So, in my never ending effort to maintain my indie-rock poser lifestyle, I went to the Salvation Army Thrift Shop on Route 17 South in Paramus to pick up one of the off-color quirky T-shirts. The place is going out of business and everything is 50% off and all of the books are now 50 cents. Although I don't read, I scanned the stacks and found a gem called "The Trainable Retarded."

(Insert any of 100 jokes here).

I didn't purchase it. I didn't have the balls. Someone must do it. We're all assholes here - someone step to the plate.

2003-06-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

Finally, I can stop doing this by hand. Like a sucker.

2003-06-20T16:48:00.000-04:00

I know it's Friday, and no one will see this until Monday ... but I just can't wait.

Ladies and Gentlemen ... the Tard Blog

Here's a little taste:

#7: Tards have food fight

My tards usually aren't very adept at thinking for themselves. They tend to mimic. Occasionally you'll find that one of them does something the others view as "cool" and they all start in copying it. Unfortunately what that one person does isn't usually cool, in fact it's usually retarded.

This was the case with our ice cream day. The entire class had been rewarded with an afternoon where we ate ice cream and played games. Just as a side note, no one other than the aides pointed out that ice cream day was actually a half day, but what do you expect. Anyway while the tards were eating their ice cream, and I was going around trying to make sure the ice cream went in their mouths, Kunte gets the brilliant idea of starting a food fight.

Kunte grabs a scoop of ice cream from his bowl, screams "FOOD FIGHT!," and smacks himself right in the face with his ice cream. He didn't even know that a food fight meant you throw the food at OTHER PEOPLE!

Almost as soon as he does this, all the tards in the room start grabbing ice cream and smashing their faces with it. It was absolutely amazing.

Eventually my aides and I calmed everyone down. I was trying to figure out how I should punish Kunte, and I asked him where he got the idea for his food fight. He said he saw it on TV, and that someone grabbed a handful of food, stood up, and then he couldn't remember what happened. I considered explaining the concept of a food fight to him, but instead I just sent him home early with a note telling his parents what he did. Maybe they'll tell him.

2003-06-19T17:30:00.000-04:00

There has been some inquiry into a comment that I added to the first “wedding” post. I made reference to a woman I know who has two assholes, or more accurately, how funny it was when she told me that she had two assholes.

First of all, I can say that this information is 100% true and has been documented by the same team of scientists that brought you such great films as “Two Dicks, One Dude” and “If SheMale, We Wail.”

I was asked what in the world one would do with an extra exit in their mate. To which I replied, “My God man, what wouldn’t you do!”

A few benefits (and any more that our fair House readers could come up with would be appreciated as always):

You start with one orifice, when it gets too loose, you move on to the next. When that one is done, YOU STILL HAVE ANOTHER ONE LEFT!!!!

Or

You could use one for “Pooping” and the other for “Porking” (or even "Eating" if that is your thing)

Or

You could use if for storage, a place to carry your wallet or cell phone.

Anything I missed?

2003-06-19T08:16:00.000-04:00

Wedding Story: Memorable Moments

In my final post on the subject (hoorah) let's take a look back at some of the more memorable moments from Wedding 2003:

Robot Dance - The wedding party introduction I wrote for myself and my date was (read as if you are introducing two presenters at the Oscars): "During a wedding reception, his favorite dance is The Robot, she prefers to sit down and drink raspberry marguerites, let's welcome Matt and Jackie!". Bahahahahahahahaha! Although I was a bit disappointed to see that Jackie did not drink any raspberry marguerites (or even one blue drink of any kind, if memory serves me right), I did get to do the Robot Dance. With Jackie, I believe. I hope someone got a picture of the look of disgust on her face. Not as bad as when my cousin Tommy asked her to dance, but it was the same type of look.

Stealing Signs - My brother Gabe was certainly a highlight of the weekend. In addition to the break dancing and steady supply of narcotics, he also did a hell (i'm not saying 'hella' because it's queer) of a job vandalizing the hotel. He ripped about ten hotel information signs off the walls. You know the kind of signs I mean...the ones that say 'Vending Machine' or ‘Indoor Pool’. Although we left most of the signs back at the hotel on our neighbor’s balcony, we took a couple of them home for souvenirs. According to the new sign on my door, my bedroom in my apartment is now officially the ‘Refreshment Center'. Now all I need to do is trick some young lady into my room with the promise of Mountain Dew and a bag of Skittles.

Nana Stripping – I saw it, but I didn’t believe it.

Karaoke – Karaoke is evil. Some fucking asshole decided to invent an apparatus that provides a sloppy drunk with an easily accessible outlet to completely embarrass themselves. However, once that apparatus is programmed with a Weezer song, it becomes a rock star creating machine. My sister and I did a rendition of ‘Buddy Holly’ that made Rivers Cuomo's version sound like something off their crappy Green album. Particularly, the part where I hit her on the head with the microphone to produce that cool ‘POP’ sound frequently overused by bad comedians.

So in conclusion, much like the band Weezer, that wedding rocked. The pressure is on, someone in my family must get married POST HASTE so we can party hardy once again. Don’t worry everyone, I’ve got some spare cash, a membership to russianbrides.com, and a little thing called class!

2003-06-18T15:05:00.000-04:00

Bald Bull says:

"My barber didn't know when to quit, do you?"

2003-06-17T08:10:00.000-04:00

Wedding Story: The Cousins

Everyone who knows my family knows that as weird as my immediate family is, my extended family is much, much worse. So with that in mind, I bring to you, my cousins at the wedding reception:

Ralph - Not really my cousin...I think he's technically a cousin once removed? Regardless...he came by my table during dinner and we had a short chat.

Ralph:	Hey Matt, how's work goin?
Matt:	Good man, how about you?
Ralph:	Goin OK...I was down in Florida for some conference the last few weeks.
Matt:	Nice, whereabouts?
Ralph:	Jacksonville...it's near the northern border of Flor... see ya later.

Literally in the middle of his response, as if he suddenly skipped ahead in our conversation using a time machine of some sort, he said 'See ya later', stared at me uncomfortably for a minute, and then left. Maybe you had to be there, but trust me, it was funny.

Jim - Big Angus Young fan, snazzy dresser. Apparently he's a bit of a hot head when he's drunk. He tried picking a fight with the best man over our improper care of our younger cousin (who was puking on my bed at the time). Sure, perhaps I shouldn't have split those three bottles of champagne with her, but she puked on my bed didn't she? Isn't that punishment enough? Luckily for them I was the voice of reason and broke up the fight. Actually, it's more lucky for Jim, because I've seen that look in Patrick's eyes before, and usually it means someone is going to get stabbed.

Tommy - Oh good lord where do I begin. He says he owns a software company, which I don't believe. He said his ex-girlfriend looked like Pink, who I think is repulsive, yet I still don't believe it. Conversations with him inevitably turn to computer games, computer game conferences, and computer game parties he throws in his parent's basement. I take his word for all those things. He also hit on every guy's date at the wedding except for his mom and the bride.

Susan - Took me aside during the puking incident, and told me with a straight face that "I know I'm supposed to be responsible for our cousin who is currently coughing up a lung in the bathroom...and I don't want to sound like an ass or something...but this dress I'm wearing cost $400....so...you know."

2003-06-16T08:44:00.000-04:00

I've only been to a few weddings in my life, but I think I can safely say that was the greatest wedding in the history of the universe. I'm seriously considering petitioning the Vatican to have a new chapter added to the Bible detailing the events of this past weekend. It's about time we added some current shit to that book, it might as well be about a party that was good enough for Jesus. Until then, it will just have to stay on the internet.

Too many things happened this weekend to describe in just one post, which is why this week is now officially 'Wedding Stories' week on the house. All week you can expect juicy anecdotes about the things that happen when you mix insane relatives with excessive amounts of alcohol. Until then, here's a short list of ways my life has been altered from my brother's wedding.

My new favorite song is now 'Apache' by the Sugar Hill Gang. Which means that every song by Jennifer Love Hewitt is now tied for a close second.
My new favorite drink is everything. I thought that as I got older my tolerance would diminish, but I put that concern to rest and then took a big dump on it.
My new favorite dance is 'Gabe breakdancing'. Gabe is my youngest brother, a turkey killer, and apparently has a big piece of cardboard and a boom box hidden somewhere in his room.

One last note for today, my wedding party introductions were not used. Despite all my efforts to explain the complicated levels on which the intros were funny, no one seemed to laugh when I mentioned that one person was going to be introduced as "the inventor of the cummerbund". OK, so maybe that joke isn't the greatest. But if you are interested, a copy of the introductions can be attained by calling 1 (800) GO-FUCK-YOURSELF.

2003-06-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

My wedding preparation check list:

Finished writing hilarious and witty wedding party introductions. Check.
Practiced Electric Slide and the Macarena in the privacy of my own home. Check.
Trimmed pubic hair. Check.
Packed super resonating spoon to use when hitting wine glass during reception to get the newly married couple to make out excessively. Check.
Purchased digital camera in order to preserve and cherish memories, and then returned digital camera because I realized it was too expensive for my crappy memories. Check.
Packed glasses with phony eye balls to wear when I start falling asleep during church. Check.
Masturbated to wedding porno I found on the internet. Check. And I mean check!

Let's do this thing!

2003-06-09T13:32:00.000-04:00

A new receptionist recently starting working on our floor. She's a middle-aged woman...probably in her mid 40's. Last week I had the occasion to talk with her in order to help find a person who left the lights on in their car (my good deed for the millenium). My coworker...let's call him Bill...pointed out that she was hitting on me. Now Bill is an older man, probably in his mid 50's, with grey hair and 4 kids. He's also the guy who was cursing up a storm during my trip to Atlanta. After explaining to Bill that the receptionist was a bit old for me, he proceeded to tell me that "That woman has a mouth on her that could suck a golf ball out of a garden hose."

Now I'm kind of interested.

2003-06-06T09:53:00.000-04:00

Midget in the Bull Ring

And you think you had it tough.

But the adversity a female and dwarven torreador has to go through to get the top is unrelenting. The rhinestoning of midget-pants, the adjusting of the red cape to that of midget proportions, and the prospect of the ugly incident that a midget bull may gore you and then try to hump you in your midget ass.

It's a rough and tumble life for this midge.

2003-06-05T16:00:00.000-04:00

The position of author and editor in chief of the house of thrill has finally gotten me my first real writing job. My brother, in a move my mother deems "insane in the membrane", has commissioned me to write the wedding party introductions for next Saturday's big event. Under the terms of the contract, I will be paid in self satisfaction and devil dogs. I'll get an additional 'bonus' devil dog for each joke that gets a laugh.

For those that are concerned I might not have the time and/or talent to undertake such an endeavor, fear not! I am totally prepared for the task at hand. I've dusted off my copy of Truly Tasteless Jokes IV and finished watching almost the entire first season of "Mad About You" on VHS. What's more, I've been informed that we are being introduced to the A-Team theme, which by itself should be sufficient inspiration. The way I figure, all I need to do is find out what weapons each of the wedding party members are proficient with, and the intro will practically write itself.

Of course, if by Friday I still have nothing to show for my effort, I do have a buttload of dead baby jokes that I haven't used yet.

2003-06-05T15:20:00.000-04:00

What a great fucking song. That's me on the left.

2003-06-04T11:40:00.000-04:00

The house of thrill is now pretty ... much like the ugly duckling that grows up to be a beautiful swan, or the prepubescent girl from She's out of Control after she removes her braces and glasses, but before any body hair started growing. I guess it was just becoming apparent that I needed to divert attention away from the poor content by jazzing up the site a bit. You know what they say in all those web design classes ... "Fuck content."

And I have. Literally. Up the butt.

But I'm not giving up entirely on the concept of providing some sort of content. For example, anyone remember SledgeHammer?

2003-05-30T15:30:00.000-04:00

I know that this a little early, but since I have very little to look forward to in my life currently, I am trying to make all upcoming events as fruitful as possible. So this year I have decided (much like Matt had last fall) that I am going to have the bestest Halloween costume in the whole wide world this year – and I know where I am getting my ideas from.

I am actually so excited about this that I think someone should throw a costume party and then invite me to it so I don’t have to wait for October. I could use some help deciding though, I am caught between Carmen Purr-randa and the Barbie of Borg costumes.

I’m going to have to beat the ladies off with a stick!!!

2003-05-29T14:50:00.000-04:00

How to Make Elton John Songs More Tolerable

Just for starters, this doesn't work with "Crocodile Rock" - undoubtedly the worst piece of shit ever played on the airwaves of Mother Earth. Then again, it doesn't work with any song but "Tiny Dancer." Now that I think about, its not all that funny anymore - but next time you here that song, insert the line "Hold me closer Tony Danza" when the refrain begins.

So, when looking for the perfect Tony Danza picture, I come across his album The House I Live In. This real audio link will take you to a song entitled "That's All" - but it's not the Phil Collins tune. I think even Danza knew the suck factor would have been too exponentially overwhelming for modern man to grasp. That would have blew my mind though, and then my mind would have came in your face.

2003-05-26T16:47:00.000-04:00

The Bachelor Party Pics are finally up.

2003-05-22T15:09:00.000-04:00

Getting Matt Started on Finding Mrs. Matt nee Chan

Well, you cannot believe everything you hear about asian women, especially from your Hotmail junk folder (purveyors of online diplomas, zoo sex, and the johnson stretcher). But as for right now, apparently F4 is the rage overseas. Soon to be marketed to the US of A as the "Chinese N'SYNC," they are the focus of many an asian female teen (female, right Matt?). Maybe Matt can get started on this look - but I don't think that he is pouty enough.

Terrorist attacks can't come soon enough.

2003-05-21T16:29:00.000-04:00

A wise, curly haired, irish kid once said, "The House Of Thrill is not a democracy, it's a Mattocracy." Truer words were never spoken.
In that vein, I have removed all posts except my own from the last three days. Why?

Firstly, this site exists for one purpose, and one purpose only ... to feed my ego. Without this site, and the occasional good hair day, my ego would starve like some smelly, fly-ridden cambodian baby. Seriously though, my ego is more battered than the chicken fingers at bennigan's! Ba-dum-pa! So if your post is not in some way complimentary to me, then why are you posting at all?

Nextly, I have no tolerence for bickering in the house. The house is built on a solid foundation of love. My love ... for hot asian women. Now, asian women use the internet, right? And this site is on the internet. So basically, if your post does not help me score with asian women, I'm removing it.

Lastly, did anyone even notice the post from Monday about my brother's bachelor party? Last I checked there were zero comments. I divided that number by the number of days since I left that post, took into account the length of the average workday, and factored in the amount of time people spend on their computers at home, and realized that means not one fucking person left a comment. I don't want to see one more post on this site until someone leaves a comment about how great my brother is, how great that party was, or the address of a really cute japanese girl.

2003-05-19T14:04:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I greased up my fists for nothing, as no orifices of any kind were violated at my brother's bachelor party this past weekend. Suffice it to say, I was disappointed. And will someone please remind me to prepare a toast in advance for the next toast worthy occasion? It turned out to be a lot harder than I expected to give an impromptu toast. Then again, maybe it was just because everyone was yelling "Sit Down!" and "You Suck!" while pointing and laughing.

Other than that, and getting rejected from Hogs and Heifers, that was the greatest bachelor party ever. Despite my concerns, my father's presence actually added an unexpected dynamic to the bachelor party experience. Rather than feeling inhibited by his stern glares, I would say most people were actually quite hibited. Personally, I find that I do some of my best drunken work when I have someone I can embarrass by my immaturity; perhaps others felt the same way.

I think my favorite memory was our fairly accurate reenactment of Rosa Park's historic struggle against racism. I played the part of 'whitey', while everyone else did their own unique portrayal of Rosa. Some Rosa's were quiet, yet defiant. Other Rosa's were loud, vulgar, and sometimes physically violent. A couple people decided to do a loose interpretation of that historic day, by portraying a Rosa Park that freely and happily moves to the back of the bus.

Pictures will be up towards the end of the week ... since I am cheap and do not own a digital camera.

2003-05-16T09:50:00.000-04:00

Don't Stop Believin'

Well, now that the summer is creeping up and the PNC Bank Arts Center gets ready to fire its neverending spray of diarrheal soundwaves late into the muggy night of central Jersey, on enters the Journey-Styx-REO Speedwagon North American tour. Unfortunately, Steve Perry is not joining the tour and will not get to jubilantly don this gay apparel.

If you are going to this show - please log off of the House immediately and shove a hardwire brush up your ass. Although the rockfest is sure to be the equivalent of nice frothy golden shower, reviews from www.journeymusic.com attest quite to the contrary. Chrissy from Stockton CA almost wet herself:

In 1978, i heard a song called "Wheel in the Sky" that forever changed how I felt about music. I was 14. 25 years later, a dozen or so concerts, every album of every variation of members, I see the concert of a lifetime in San Francisco. It has been a week, now, and I still have not came down off the mountain-top!! Seeing Aynsley Dunbar drum on my song, Wheel, was insane!! I never saw him with Journey-only with jefferson starship in 1980. What a gift for this gal! Steve A. has made this band his own. I have now seen this lineup more times than the old one (with you know who)and am convinced! Hearing him sing the old songs, that I never thought we'd hear again- unbelievable.And ending with Sammy, in his Cabo Wabo shirt- who's idea was that?? You deserve a medal!! That place exploded!!
- chrissy
Stockton, CA

But Bernd, a fan who came all the way from Germany, thought otherwise:

We expected the BEST of Journey, but we got only 60-70 % of it.

2003-05-15T14:47:00.000-04:00

Last night was the last episode of Dawson's Creek. Ever. I have just two words to say about that ... 'Fuckin' and 'A'.

But seriously, I can't make fun of the WB because I do watch the occasional episode of Smallville. It's about Superman for god's sake, so shut the fuck up. And have you seen this Kristen Kreuk girl, the one who plays Lana Lang?! Can I get a what what? (Can I get a woop woop?) If only you could see me now ... I'm slightly wetting my index finger with my tongue ... now I'm touching my ass with the very same finger ... and now I'm making the sound 'tsssss'. It's just not the same in typed words, I clearly need a webcam. Hey everyone, now I'm massaging my left nipple! Okay, no webcam.

But if you like pictures, come back on Monday for pics of the bachelor party.

2003-05-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Someone just visited the hizzouse after searching Google for the words 'prolapsed rectum'. I just hope that this site was able to provide them with the information they needed.

2003-05-12T09:01:00.000-04:00

"This may be the best show we've ever done ... in clay."

and....

"The purpose of Air Guitar World Championships is to promote world peace. According to the ideology of air guitar playing all war would cease to exist and all bad things would disappear if everyone only played air guitar. That is why all people in the world are invited to play air guitar simultaneously at the end of every competition."

2003-05-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

I'm sure everyone remembers my post from February about the upcoming bachelor party in honor of my brother Joseph. And you probably also remember the comments regarding the inevitable 'fisting' which will occur at this event. Well how about this equation for disaster....'My Dad' plus 'fisting' equals what? I'm no good at math, but I'm pretty sure the answer is ... another brother?

That's right people, my dad, aka "Mr. V", aka "The Spanish Inquisitor", aka "Croc Hunter", has expressed, in no uncertain terms, a desire to join us during the bachelor party festivities. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I was able to compose myself enough to explain to him that many events during the course of this evening are not really suitable for a 56 year old super catholic. That pretty much had the opposite effect I was looking for, as he has now officially taken on the role of 'guardian' for the night. Then, drunk with rage (and some peach schnapps) I turned to my dad and said 'Well you're not invited!'. That didn't seem to phase him either, and now I don't think he loves me anymore.

Sooooo ... what would Jesus do?

2003-05-06T08:57:00.000-04:00

Who wants to make a road trip on Saturday?

Some of Tim "Wild Thang" Lepard's more memorable quotes:

"The thing about rodeo, it's just like anything else, if it's hot, somebody else is going to get on it," Lepard said. "When I put this act together, I thought 'You can't touch this.' I mean, I know what I've been through to train a monkey to ride a dog and if I can train a monkey to ride a dog, I can train a rock to do tricks."

and.....

"I experienced that one-dog and one-monkey deal and I started going along and whenever I came up with two dogs and two monkeys, I said 'This is unreal,' " Lepard said. "I never dreamed of three."

Beauty Clark.

2003-05-05T10:21:00.000-04:00

Oh Sweet Jesus.

2003-05-02T08:29:00.000-04:00

This is why I have a weblog.

No wait...THIS is why.

2003-04-28T14:46:00.000-04:00

Not unlike my normal life, my last summer vacation (a week at the exotic Club Med Resort in the caribbean) resulted in no sex of any kind, in addition to a significant decrease in the amount of masturbation. Sure, it's not like I didn't have my chances. For example, a girl we affectionately nicknamed 'Psycho Killer' because of her crazy stares, the creepy stab wound down the side of her leg, and her ridiculously fat friend. Actually the friend had nothing to do with the nickname, but I felt it was an important detail. There was also the spunky, 45 year old red head who wanted to try a three-way with me and Frank. The worst part about that situation was, given the choice between the red head and Frank, I think I would have just ended up dry humping Frank's leg the whole time.

So let's try this again. This year, the plan involves a road trip up the coast of the Pacific Northwest. You see...rather than basing the desirablity of a destination on the chance I will have sex, which is clearly 0% based on experience, logic, and a survey I handed out recently, I'm expecting this trip to kick ass for things I know I can attain...alcohol, drugs, and alcohol. But if for some reason, such as all the planets aligning (especially Uranus), a girl presents her baginas to me, I guarantee that it will be the best five seconds of sex that girl has ever experienced. Sure, since she will probably be under 15, it will be the only 5 seconds of sex she's ever experienced...but I still stand by my irrational boast.

2003-04-24T09:29:00.000-04:00

As I have already detailed in an earlier post, I was suffering through a nasty bout of mono for the last month or so. Well I am all better now; a doctor told me that. This means I can drink beer again. Let me tell you this, not drinking is really noble and healthy and all that crap. But when you aren't allowed to drink because some two bit jack-off with a "med school" degree tells you your liver will explode, life gets very close to unlivable. So I have learned the hard way that beer makes life worth living. Unfortunately, it can have some nasty side effects. Too much beer can artificially boost your ego or make you think you look better than you really do. It can really harm young kids who have very little experience with alcohol. Bust most importantly, it can cause you to make bad decisions. There is nothing worse than finding out the person you hooked up with really wasn't that great looking. But hey, you can always drink away the pain.

Cheers!

2003-04-23T15:18:00.000-04:00

Being Old Must Suck Like an Oreck

Well, the nation's oldest person died today at the old-ass age of 113. I am not sure if she was still producing ova - probably not though. Anyway, MSN.com summed up her life brilliantly in its subheading:

Mary Christian, witnessed 1906 San Francisco earthquake, indulged in Twinkies

Poor old codger. Well, a dead codger now - but you mean to tell me this woman did absolutely jack shit for 113 years? I'm not saying she needed to cure cancer or anything as super-cool as that, but an inspiring "worked with children" or "had the remarkable ability to cough dust" would have been better than that. And who doesn't indulge in Twinkies? By pure virtue of all Hostess snacks being deliciously sweet and moist, yet bad for you - doesn't that inherently constitute "indulging"? How many Twinkies do you need to consume for that aspect of your life to make your obituary? She must have been a sick-o Twinkie freak. Click here for a Twinkie-light vigil.

Then, like the 113 years counted for nothing, MSN.com continues on to tell you who the next person in line is to garner the headline "Oldest Person in Nation Dies." And, in case you were wondering, these records are kept be the UCLA School of Medicine, a member of the research group which tracks the "ultra-old" (obviously a medical term).

2003-04-21T15:29:00.000-04:00

Ingenius or Inane?
Part II: